As Cassie shares graphic abuse details in Diddy trial, are we all asking the wrong question?

 As Cassie shares graphic abuse details in Diddy trial, are we all asking the wrong question?

Casandra Ventura Fine told a jury that her ex-boyfriend Sean “Diddy” Combs’ physically abused her, from hitting her in the face to kicking her, during her first day on the stand in Combs' criminal trial for racketeering conspiracy, sex trafficking and transportation to engage in prostitution. He also had her "career in his hands," the rhythm and blues singer, best known as "Cassie," said on May 13.

This came one day after Daniel Phillip, a former male stripper who took the stand during cross-examination on May 12, and described graphic details of the physical abuse he says he witnessed Ventura Fine endure. Phillip recalled one instance where he heard Combs yelling at Ventura Fine before Combs left the room in a towel. Phillip said that Cassie “jumped into my lap, shaking. I asked her, ‘Why is she doing this? Why is she staying with this guy if he is hitting and beating her like this?’”

Phillip's reaction isn't uncommon, and he also noted in his testimony that he worried for his own safety during interactions with Combs. Victims of abuse often get asked why they stay, but it's a question psychologists and sociologists say rarely helps, and can result in “victim-blaming."

Research has shown there are many reasons that victims struggle to leave their abusers, including the threat of escalated violence. And there are other, more helpful questions to ask someone who is in an abusive relationship.

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According to a 2020 study by the National Coalition of Domestic Violence, 1 in 4 women and 1 in 10 men experience sexual violence, physical violence and/or stalking by an intimate partner during their lifetime. And approximately 1 in 5 female victims and 1 in 20 male victims need medical care as a result. The most dangerous time for a victim’s safety can be when they leave the abusive relationship; leaving an abusive partner or informing them of plans to leave can put a victim at a greater risk of intimate partner homicide or violence. 

"A lot of victims are safer staying in an abusive relationship than they are leaving one, especially if they haven’t had a chance to safety plan," explains sociologist Nicole Bedera. "Victims tend to be very good at determining when it’s safe to leave, and it’s important that the rest of us respect their expertise about the violence patterns of their perpetrator."

In court, the prosecution asked Phillip why he didn’t go to the police. “I was concerned for my life,” he said. “I had no idea if I’d be met with a gun. My life was at risk if I did